Do you recall the Dornoch Marquee?
You took me on the waltzers
Before the Queen was crowned
After Babycham you promised me
You’d be mine for ever and ever
But then you ran away
With a fairground boy
Named Kevin.
Like trees we are carved raw
With swelling hearts and awe.

Do you recall the crate in the bar?
Or Dunk the Punk’s white Cortina car
That he drove off the golf road
Into some holiday home
With a Stranger’s view?
Us in the back holding hands
Your head clanged-off the roof
And when he hit the wall
The windscreen went bang
Just before the head-gasket blew?

Do you recall sneaking under the flap of the tent
With the Rogarts to waltz to Manson Grant
And the Dynamos’ laments?
Converging on Dornoch for the brawls and dances
The boys came with jonnies
Because they fancied their chances
And the girls carried aspirin
Old wives’ birds and old wives’ bees
Never fall pregnant whilst squeezing
Aspirin betwixt the knees.

Long ago was our first Dornoch Marquee.
You drank pernod with coke
I drank straight whisky.
We paid to camp in the sand.
We were sick and girny
On Sunday when we awoke.
I held your hand in the sun
It was me who said ‘forever!’
Look at us now on Twitter
Apart but still together.
Another existential joke.